Sunday School: Job

Yesterday during Sunday School there was a lot to think about.

We are going through the book of Job so I knew there were going to be a lot of things that would hit me personally... but today I was just blown away on how seamlessly all of this fits into my own story.

The one thing that I remember the most, (I wish I took notes!) is the fact that even though Job did not reject God he was still not able to see God. Job desperately wanted to see his Lord but he just could not. If you have a background similar to mine you will right away understand the significance of this statement.

The Wizard of Oz

NOTE: This was written several months ago. I think even before we met the boys.

When I was very young we were at some friend’s house. A movie about the Wizard of Oz was put in and we youngsters did not sit still and watch it. Everyone was very wiggly including me. I was at the most four years old. I was annoyed with the other children because I couldn’t hear what Dorothy was saying or the Lion or the Tin Man. I sat close to the television and pressed my ear against the speaker. I couldn’t see but at least I could hear. Eventually the travelers made it to the Emerald City. There were scary adventures and some happy times too, I don’t remember much about it. I do know though, that was the day I fell in love with the Land of Oz.
                Some years later a remake of the Wizard of Oz movie came out and it was very popular. McDonald's began including dolls of the characters in the happy meals. Every Wednesday on the way to piano lessons we would stop at a McDonald's that was right next to a green BP gas station. We didn’t normally buy happy meals but since Mom knew I liked the Wizard of Oz so much she bought me the happy meals and I collected the dolls. I got the Tin Man, Dorothy, a flying monkey, and Glinda the Good. I was disappointed that they stopped giving out the dolls before I could collect them all.

Late Nights

Sometimes the words just won't come. Sometimes thoughts don't either. I lay in my bed and nothing makes sense. I lay there and so many ideas flit by. Like a butterfly, beautiful unique, so delicate; it alights upon a flower for just a moment and then moves. Sometimes it stays though, but you are so concerned with how long it will stay that you don't even take time to trurly appreciate it. My thoughts are butterflys and all I can do is watch them fly by, they are not my own and I just observe.

I am overwhelmed with confusion.

But I'm not lost.

It's a comfort to know where I stand - to know that these questions (Whatever they are) won't seperate me from God - to know that He welcomes questions; because He longs to answer them.

Still these faceless thoughts will torment me. If only I could get a hold of them, then maybe I could sort them out. The butterflies flutter away from me leaving me stuck in this tossing abiss of raw ideas and emotions. Formless, shapeless, endless....

Sometimes I really don't think me being an insomniac is that far fetched of an idea.

Times like this is when I turn to music and fill my head with someone elses words. Is this a good thing? I don't know. Maybe I should turn to my Bible and fill my head with God's words.

Hello 2015,

I am excited to meet you!

This past year has been such an eventful year. I think I say that every year but it's true.

I don't use the web cam option on my computer that much but, I have to admit, it is pretty cool

Here are some questions:
What is the most memorable thing that has happened in 2014?
What is the biggest thing you have overcome this past year? what have you learned?
What are you looking forward to most in 2015?
What are you planning to accomplish in the upcoming year? what is your New Year's resolution?

Christmas Tree Farm 2014

As a little girl the anticipation for our Christmas tree was almost immeasurable. In fact it was, because I don't think anyone has invented a way of measuring anticipation. The point is, getting our Christmas tree, putting up decorations around the house, and watching Daddy and Mama stringing lights outside was one of my favorite things about Christmas.

For the tree all four of us kids would follow Mom and Dad to the attic where we would crowd around the base of the rickety ladder (I was always afraid it would break) and watch the top half of Dad disappear into the dim space. On this one day the attic was no longer a forsaken creepy spawn for all the monsters we would make up and scare each other with. On this one day the attic was a place full of delightful surprises and forgotten toys - so of course we would always clamor for Dad to take us up with him. And sometimes he would!

Watching from below the wait was unbearable. I am sure it would have been much easier for Dad to send us away so he could bring down the tree without being pestered and without worrying that he would step on one of us on the way down or drop the long skinny box with all the branches in it on our heads. BUT, I am glad he didn't because I will always treasure these memories.

From Here to There Incredible Things are Everywhere...

Come with me back to 2010. I am standing outside with a pair of rubber boots I threw on - no socks of course. It is January and I grabbed my huge white coat that makes me look like a walking marshmallow. I didn't zip it up so instead I hug myself stuffing my hands in my pockets, keeping the cold at bay. I stand ankle deep in fresh clean snow. Up in the sky I watch my breath float away towards the gorgeous full moon. The light of the moon is so bright that no stars can be seen for at least one outstretched-hand-length away and when the light hits the snow it lights up the whole field almost as bright as day. I can see the Milky Way. The sky is black as tar. The sounds I hear are comforting. A pack of coyotes yip and scream as the hunt in the night. Owls talk. Chickens murmur and cluck softly. I walk into the driveway and admire the beautiful snowflakes on the hoods of our suburban, truck, water trailer. They are incredible. I turn back towards the house and head inside. By this time I can't feel my toes. Our blue Christmas lights have faded since we put them up last year. Icicles hang from the roof.

Now, step back into the present. It's December. I am sitting on the short flower bed wall, bare feet planted firmly on our concrete sidewalk.

The Devil Cannot Steal you From God; Go Help Those Over Whom the Devil Actually has a Grip.

It has been a while since I have posted anything with me just talking and sharing my heart with y'all. A lot has been going on lately and I feel like there are some things I need to say.

First of all I must confess that my prayer life is anything but stellar and I feel distant from God at the moment. Formerly I would have interpreted this lost kind of feeling as me being altogether separated from God; Apart from His Grace and unworthy of His Forgiveness. It is a blessing for me to KNOW without a doubt that will never happen. When God brings you into His family there is no way you can ever fall away. There may be times when I feel alone or sometimes when I actually put up a barrier between myself and my Father but just because I have thrown up a short little wall doesn't mean that God can’t see down in and isn't watching over me and protecting me. I need His love more than anything.

Despite my weariness there has been some things my Father has been teaching me lately and I'd like to share that with you. Actually I think it is because of my weariness that I have been able to hear what He has to say. It's about forgiveness and grace.

We need a whole lot of it.

We need to give others even more of it.