Dancing at Lughnasa

Two weeks ago Friday I went to a play. The last time I remember going to a play was with my third grade class in South Carolina. We saw a silly version of Cinderella that I absolutely despised. This play however, was much different than the one from so many years ago. It was called Dancing at Lugnsasa and was being put on by theatre department of the university I'm attending so consequently it was free to all college students. (Say whaa??) I didn't go alone of course and went with my boyfriend and two others.

Somehow muscadines have become synonymous with an idealized past and despite their disappointing taste brings with them a comforting sense of belonging. 

Tonight I Sit

Insomnia. I'm not sure if I have it or not but sometimes, like tonight, even though I am sleepy, I can't seem to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned in my bed. I curled up into a tiny ball. I hugged my pillow so tight that the feathers were about to burst. I talked to my sister. (One of the perks of sharing a room. Also one of the drawbacks if you are the one sleeping and your sister is the one who can't.) I got down from my bed and did some sit-ups in the middle of the floor. Finally I announced to my sleepy roommate that I was going outside to listen to some music.

Conveniently, I took a picture of this honeysuckle blossom a few nights ago. I can say that it is supposed to represent the sweet thoughts that came to me out of the dark night. ;)

As quietly as possible I opened the cantankerous piece of wood that we call a door and slipped out into the muggy Florida night. The air was heavy and the bugs were thick. I picked my way across the driveway to the sidewalk, being careful not to step on any toads, and sat myself down in the broken beach chair that was abandoned there after our last trip to the lake. Of course, because my hair is so thick and long and crazy, in the short amount of time it took me to get out there my earphones got all tangled up in my unruly locks. After extracting the wires from my hairy mess I was finally able to turn my music on.

What Have You Been Doing this Summer?

 "So what have you been doing all summer?"

That is the question I was asked yesterday at lunch that I never really answered. I started to answer by leaning back in my chair (or forward, I don't remember, I just know I moved around in my seat) and saying something like "Oh man, a lot has happened this summer. My life is so different now than what is used to be." I paused awkwardly for a second trying to figure out how to proceed but then my phone rang and I was saved from answering immediately. After the phone call I kind of avoided going back to the question and our conversation continued on swimmingly thanks to the "amiableness" of my companion.

Still I kind of feel bad for never answering. It's not that I didn't want to, I was just unprepared to answer such a simple question because I feel like I have a complicated answer. It's not that a lot has happened this summer, but a lot has come into fruition this summer. I mention often, in somewhat veiled language, the difficult life I had before and to be sitting here now in my current situation is something that is nothing short of miraculous to me.

Breaking the Silence

Sometimes the silence is unbearable. Don't be afraid to make some noise.

This is the thought that slipped into my head a few weeks ago and it still hasn't come out. There is a book coming out called Tear Down this Wall of Silence by Dale Ingraham and Rebecca Davis. It's about sexual abuse in the church and how we should handle it. I haven't read it, but I believe my mom has and if you're friends with her on Facebook; then I am sure you have seen her post about it a few times. Even though I've never been sexually abused, this title still resonates deeply with me.

When I was young Mom gave me a small paperback book called Dorie: The Girl Nobody Loved. It was dark blue and had a simple line drawing of a little girl looking up at a particular constellation in the sky. I remember laying in the bed of our small pickup truck at my brother's football practice. It was night and the lights were so bright on the field, that it was almost day. The story was about this little girl and how she grew up being sexually abused and how she dealt with it becoming an adult. Gazing up at the ink black sky, searching for that constellation, I learned compassion. I am thankful that Mom gave me that book to read. It is one of the key points that God used to open my eyes to see others suffering.

Sunday School: Job

Yesterday during Sunday School there was a lot to think about.

We are going through the book of Job so I knew there were going to be a lot of things that would hit me personally... but today I was just blown away on how seamlessly all of this fits into my own story.

The one thing that I remember the most, (I wish I took notes!) is the fact that even though Job did not reject God he was still not able to see God. Job desperately wanted to see his Lord but he just could not. If you have a background similar to mine you will right away understand the significance of this statement.

Toe Ring - Bartok - Epiphany - Frog

My mother came into my bedroom with her pink and black pajamas on. "Get up! We're going to be late, we have to leave in thirty minutes." Now that my friend, is not the kind of thing a teenage girl wants to hear when she has any place to go besides the kitchen or livingroom.

I rolled out of my bed and fetched my clothes out of the backpack I had not yet unpacked from the day before when I was baby sitting my pastors three young children. A yellow skirt and my blue T-shirt from Wall Mart with an owl and the caption, "It's owl good", exactly not what I was feeling this morning. I had just got out my razor when I was told to get Jubal up.
        I came to his bed and bent down and patted his back. "Jubal, it's time to get up. Good morning." I smiled.
        He was up instantly and the first thing out of his mouth as he stumbled around the room was "Play, play" He rubbed his tummy and almost fell over.
        "No, it's not time to play now. It's time to go potty."
He groggily followed me to the bathroom. Groggy toddlers are so cute. With him sitting on the potty I finished shaving. I gave myself razor burn and missed an entire two and a half inch patch of stubby hair. Ack! So embarrassing.. and here I am telling you all about it.
       Well anyways, all this time Savannah had been making french toast and scrambled eggs. I sent Jubal to Savannah to get something to eat. Savannah was already dressed, had her hair braided, and had her bag packed for later today. How did she do that? I continued my mad rush; scarfed down a couple of bites of toast; spent three minutes looking for my deodorant which should have been on my dresser but was of course in my backpack; found my-toe ring.

Matthew 14:22-33

Okay I couldn't figure how to turn this into a real, put together, thought out post, so I will just do it this way...

This is directly after Jesus fed the five thousand from the five loaves and two fish.

"And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves:

"I Have Learned To Be Content"

"A body can't have everything."

But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care, but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned to be both full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13

I Don't Have The Right!

Okay, I got up at five in the morning, got ready for farmers market, and was still late when we got there. My brother was blaming it on me and I was blaming it on him. We couldn't find a spot anywhere to park it was so crowded; lots of vendors this time.

Learning to Love

          Last night I was cleaning up a mess after Grandpa in the bathroom and I learned something. Usually Grandma does it but she was eating and I didn't want to disturb her. Paper towls in hand wiping the floor I learned a lesson about love.

Swapping Places

      Today I looked around at our house and I thought to myself. "God is great." We've gotten a whole house hold of stuff back almost for free. There is nothing that I can think of that we're missing. We are so much put back together that we have been able to have my dad's parent come up for the summer. Grandpa is not doing well, is sleeping all day; is not really aware of his surroundings that much. Grandma was getting worn out caring for him so they've decided to come up here for the summer. I could never have foreseen this back in January when we were living with some friends. We've swapped places, instead of people watching out for us God has enabled us to watch out for my grandparents. Praise be to God!

You Are My Sunshine

       One Sunday, in the month of January, my sister Savannah brought her lap harp to church. She showed Lonna and Audrey how to do it and us girls took turns playing You Are My Sunshine. Pastor Peter heard and wanted to try so Savannah showed him how. After practising a little bit he calls to his wife and plays to her while singing,

McDonald's

      

  We are sitting in the lobby of the Richmond McDonald's. They are in the middle of remodeling, construction work is going on outside, half of the lobby is being used for the storage of equipment, supplies, and tool. The buzzing, beeping and clanking of machines fill my ear along with the sound of paper bag being opened, cups being filled, and in particular, the loud voice of a talkative employee.