Carpenter's Park

This afternoon was lovely! The weather was gorgeous! Zachary and Levi took Jubal outside and showed him how their traps work. Savannah put the sides up on the tepee for Jubal. I sat on the flower bed wall an read my Bible. The birds sang, the breeze blew gently and Spring seemed to say she was on her way. I walked around the yard and took a few pictures.  

                                              

The yard proved too small for such a wonderful day so it wasn't long before I proposed a trip to the park.

Finding Joy in the Daily Grind

This year in 2014 I made a decision to live my life more intentionally. It is something I need to do.

For seven years now I have been living a life of reaction.  A life of counter moves and murky instincts. A life with no goals but only a frenzied effort to stay alive and afloat. No it was not always a struggle all the time, more like an inflamed zit ready to burst with puss. Sure you can cover it over with makeup, pretend it's not there. I could hide my problems, tell myself its just normal, I could even forget for a little while; but the slightest little prick and the zit bursts. The slightest upset, the most unintentional slip up with my words, or even a vengeful thought left unchecked can and did bring my carefully constructed world crumbling down around me over and over again. I could not escape the ugly reality of sin. Wherever I turned I saw the rotten effects it had on me and my family, it's oozing appendages wrapping itself around us, separating us. And I was afraid. I tried and tried to build up the walls, walls ill-equipped for such a job... because hostility, distrust, and fear are no good to keep sin and its consequences at bay. Only Jesus can do that. So I lived a fairly normal and almost healthy looking life hiding it all. Reacting but not living.

Then our house burned down. Then my baby brother was born. Then God rescued me. Then he wiped away all the ooze and gave me new walls. Walls with Christ in them, walls of love, and trust, joy, and hope. These new walls do a bang up job at keeping Satan away. Still 2011, 2012, and 2013 were way too insane for me to do anything but react. This time though, it wasn't a wandering kind of instinct. It was me clinging with all my life to the One who gave me life, waiting for the winds to stop battering me, waiting until I could start again. And here I am, 2014 and the winds have died down. The rain has stopped. I am ready to start again.

Caroling at the Abortion Clinic

          This morning I woke much earlier than I usually do and went with Dad to sing carols and pray at the abortion clinic. I had never been there before today and the experience was not as I expected it to be. The innocent looking building sits behind the Hobby Lobby surrounded by equally non-descript vehicles, holding average looking people. The moon still glowed in the dark sky when we arrived at 6 am and a light wind made little chills scurry up my arms and around my shoulders. The same wind had more force further above and the wispy clouds furled around the moon.

            As I walked down the road towards the group of people who were there for the same reason as I, I was affronted by many signs with the faces of children, signs with pleas for woman to choose life, signs offering help and hope. Pastor Brito's voice swelled as he read the Word and Dad and I quietly slipped into the group.

            I didn't have time to think anything at first, in fact I tried not to, but soon the thoughts would press through.

PSAT

          Yesterday morning I got up at five-thirty to get ready to take the PSAT at Trinitas, a private Christian school. I started to wake up at 4:00 and woke up in intervals of thirty minutes until it was finally time to get up. I held up my phone and let the glow light the room. Jubal was sound asleep in his sleeping bag on the floor. During the night he had woken me up three times sleep talking and fussing. I crept around him and turned on the lamp. The morning went as I remember the early mornings in South Carolina when I went to a public school; just now I had a little more concern with my appearances than my nine year old self had back then. That's why there was a hurried hair washing that almost made us late. Details, details, anyways...

           Levi, back from Alaska, ate breakfast with me as he was coming along as well. As we two walked out the door Mom and Dad sent us off with well wishes. "Have a good time!" "Show those questions no mercy!" I answered "I won't!" and "Those questions aren't going to show me any mercy!" (Or something a little better than that. Just think of something clever and that is what I said.)
           I was definitely not ready for the test and was concerned about the math section; although I had no worries about the writing section. I had spent the day before studying and the day before that worrying myself and moping in my room. Levi on the other hand seemed confident with his academic ability.
           On the way there, to finish off our breakfast, we stopped at McDonald's and bought two bacon egg sausage mcgriddles in addition to one small coffee for myself. Levi and I enjoyed each others company and talked about nothings and laughed at silly old jokes from "back in the good ol' days". We often take to reminiscing with each other. It is good to have him back from Alaska. (Soon I will type up a report about all of that.) The morning was nice. A bit chilly for my taste but in reality most people would find it pleasant. When crossing over the bay I looked at the calm water and was pleased with the peachy color from the morning sun reflecting on its surface.

Mountain Paradise

Last week as I was driving a certain memory came to mind. I thought of a place we almost lived. A place that was almost home. Our almost paradise.

No, it wasn't Belize. It was up in the mountains. The mountains of South Carolina.

Imagine a beautiful log cabin built out of ceder. Our feet knocked on strong ceder trunks, hewn down out of the mountain to make a home. Almost our home. Wooden floors, wooden walls, all hand made in my young mind at the time, by a man and his family back in the pioneer days; although now I see it wasn't quite that old. Dad showed me the ladder that came down out of the ceiling. He climbed up to opened the trap door then let me in. Gingerly I climbed the steep steps and popped into a room as large as the entire cabin below. Dad told me how he would build a wall and make a bedroom for the boys and a bedroom for the girls. The room was just like out of a story. It was dusty, you could see the particles wafting through the air when they floated into the sunbeam that lit up the room. You could smell the scent of wood. A sturdy deck came out from the dining room and over looked the river that flowed swiftly by. I remember looking at the water fall and soaking up the beauty. It was exhilarating. Also I squealed to Daddy about where I could put my play kitchen.

Toe Ring - Bartok - Epiphany - Frog

My mother came into my bedroom with her pink and black pajamas on. "Get up! We're going to be late, we have to leave in thirty minutes." Now that my friend, is not the kind of thing a teenage girl wants to hear when she has any place to go besides the kitchen or livingroom.

I rolled out of my bed and fetched my clothes out of the backpack I had not yet unpacked from the day before when I was baby sitting my pastors three young children. A yellow skirt and my blue T-shirt from Wall Mart with an owl and the caption, "It's owl good", exactly not what I was feeling this morning. I had just got out my razor when I was told to get Jubal up.
        I came to his bed and bent down and patted his back. "Jubal, it's time to get up. Good morning." I smiled.
        He was up instantly and the first thing out of his mouth as he stumbled around the room was "Play, play" He rubbed his tummy and almost fell over.
        "No, it's not time to play now. It's time to go potty."
He groggily followed me to the bathroom. Groggy toddlers are so cute. With him sitting on the potty I finished shaving. I gave myself razor burn and missed an entire two and a half inch patch of stubby hair. Ack! So embarrassing.. and here I am telling you all about it.
       Well anyways, all this time Savannah had been making french toast and scrambled eggs. I sent Jubal to Savannah to get something to eat. Savannah was already dressed, had her hair braided, and had her bag packed for later today. How did she do that? I continued my mad rush; scarfed down a couple of bites of toast; spent three minutes looking for my deodorant which should have been on my dresser but was of course in my backpack; found my-toe ring.

Hello There

Hello friends and family, it has been quite a while since we chatted hasn't it? I think three months is the longest I've ever been absent on my blog before. Sorry about that, I sort of have been avoiding this talk. Because you see, I fear I may have grown boring. Well I don't know, it's just a different feeling this new life it really is still new to me. Ordinary things happen to me now, and I don't really know how to deal with ordinary. It is taking some getting used to. But I will try to spare you my wandering thoughts and will give you a recap of what has been going on here in Florida. (Golly, that still sounds strange to me. Florida. Hmm.)