Saturday, July 11, 2015

What Have You Been Doing this Summer?

 "So what have you been doing all summer?"

That is the question I was asked yesterday at lunch that I never really answered. I started to answer by leaning back in my chair (or forward, I don't remember, I just know I moved around in my seat) and saying something like "Oh man, a lot has happened this summer. My life is so different now than what is used to be." I paused awkwardly for a second trying to figure out how to proceed but then my phone rang and I was saved from answering immediately. After the phone call I kind of avoided going back to the question and our conversation continued on swimmingly thanks to the "amiableness" of my companion.

Still I kind of feel bad for never answering. It's not that I didn't want to, I was just unprepared to answer such a simple question because I feel like I have a complicated answer. It's not that a lot has happened this summer, but a lot has come into fruition this summer. I mention often, in somewhat veiled language, the difficult life I had before and to be sitting here now in my current situation is something that is nothing short of miraculous to me.

I've made it through high-school. I still live in America. My family is all together, even if we are physically far apart. My mom is alive. All of us in fact are alive, it may seem dramatic to say, but the reality is at one point in my life even this basic fact was something I was not always sure of. My dad is not in jail. My dad has a job. My baby brother lives with us. We live in a real brick and mortar house. The three foster brothers we had for a little while have gone to a beautiful Christ believing family where I know they will be loved. I'm not depressed. I am not afraid.

Out of all that chaos I am standing here this summer, 2015, a better person. God makes the broken beautiful and from the ashes He creates life. Starting at some point in 2014, this is the first time I have felt completely "normal" in a long time.

I'm going to college. Me. Really. it's me. I'M GOING TO COLLEGE. And what am I doing in college? Playing piano. I can hardly believe it. I can barely comprehend it. I'm going to college and I'm playing piano. One of the few things that have been consistent in my life is piano. I've been playing piano for nearly fifteen years. Now I am going to college and I'm going to make something out of that consistency. I am going to use my music and praise the Saviour who rescued me from that old life of mine. I will praise the One who rescued our entire family.

So sitting here this summer thinking about all of that leaves me at a loss for words. To think that I once resisted this path! To think that I once believed going to college for music was pretentious, is a belief that I am ashamed to remember. To think that my only goal in life once was to keep me and my siblings alive, and that now my thoughts have the luxury to worry about finances and grades, is something that leaves me in awe.

Yesterday on my way to my piano activities and later lunch, a song came on the radio by Jason Gray called "Laugh Out Loud" So many pictures from my past came flying into my head and began to contrast themselves with my present... listening to that song made me laugh and cry both at once.

Am I really allowed to be a kid now?

Am I really allowed to be a kid?

What in the world is God doing for me?

P.S. As far as what I've actually physically been doing... I've been doing completely normal things! School, piano, swimming, canoeing, camping, singing happy birthday over the phone, eating watermelon, laughing, taking pictures, spending time with friends etc. And yes, that etc. takes up most of the day and I am so grateful for it whatever it happens to be on that particular day. It probably is washing the dishes, or grumbling about laundry.

With all the joy in my heart, I wish the best to you all!


  1. Great blog. You really have done a lot and it sounds very interesting.

    1. Interesting is quite a generous word for it... But it wasn't all bad, lots of good adventures too. :)


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