Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Breaking the Silence

Sometimes the silence is unbearable. Don't be afraid to make some noise.

This is the thought that slipped into my head a few weeks ago and it still hasn't come out. There is a book coming out called Tear Down this Wall of Silence by Dale Ingraham and Rebecca Davis. It's about sexual abuse in the church and how we should handle it. I haven't read it, but I believe my mom has and if you're friends with her on Facebook; then I am sure you have seen her post about it a few times. Even though I've never been sexually abused, this title still resonates deeply with me.

When I was young Mom gave me a small paperback book called Dorie: The Girl Nobody Loved. It was dark blue and had a simple line drawing of a little girl looking up at a particular constellation in the sky. I remember laying in the bed of our small pickup truck at my brother's football practice. It was night and the lights were so bright on the field, that it was almost day. The story was about this little girl and how she grew up being sexually abused and how she dealt with it becoming an adult. Gazing up at the ink black sky, searching for that constellation, I learned compassion. I am thankful that Mom gave me that book to read. It is one of the key points that God used to open my eyes to see others suffering.

When I think of my own suffering I know I cannot say it was abuse. In my writings, both public and private I have always thought of the silence in those years as the most difficult thing to bear. The isolation I felt, the feeling of desperation I had with no where to turn, was always the ghost that haunted me at night.

When I heard the title of that book for the first time I thought to myself, "Oh that is a good title." But recently when that thought slipped into my head, "The silence is unbearable. Don't be afraid to make some noise." all of a sudden it clicked. The one thing that is the same for me and for those who've been sexually abused is the silence. That unbearable, crushing, suffocating silence. Since I have starting writing about my pain and sharing it, I have found a weight being lifted from my shoulders. I feel for the first time that there was a reason for all of that. So even though its scary, and even though it doesn't feel safe, I am going to continue to talk about it. It has taken me years to gather up this courage, yet my suffering has been very slight in comparison to others. I can't fathom what it must be like for victims of sexual abuse.

I am breaking the silence. I pray that you will find the courage to do the same, and I pray that you have someone in your life to hold your hand as you do so.

Pray to God for healing.

With Love,
Elise

2 comments:

  1. Wow, after reading this I see now that you have been through a lot over the years, but I can see that you don't hold back and that you have a strong faith in God. I want you to know that I am here if you ever need support through college and life. Stay strong and pray and God will help you and i'll see you at school to help when you need it

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    1. Wow, you commented on Instagram AND on the actual blog post itself! Hardly anyone comments on my blog. Thank you for your kind words, we will be sure to see each other at school. :) I really wish we could have had classes together. But, our majors are so different its really not all that likely. :(

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