Sunday, December 23, 2012

The Bigness of Life

[I don't remember when I wrote this, obviously during the summer, but it has sat around in my drafts for quite a while. I find my thoughts then still ring true with my thoughts now so I will post it, even if it is belated.]


Over the past two months, I have started to realise just how big life is. Well, I suppose I started to have an inkling of it when my dad had his heart attack, when the house burned down, and when my baby brother was born - but it is now in the quiet lull of business yet to come and business past that I have thought about it much.

Yes there is much to life. Rain, sun, plants, bugs, animals, crop failures and successful crops. There are silly games to be played, times for serious thinking. There are the chores to do, and then of course friends to hang out with and have fun with. There are the big things in life, and then the small.
And what about the future? What is going to happen? Who will I marry, how many children will I have? Will I be a good mother, a good wife? Am I going to marry? Will I write a book someday? Where am I going to live - what about my dream home up in the mountains with a little herd of goats and a garden? I am afraid one of my weaknesses is wondering about the future.


Sunday comes around and I find myself back at church again, remembering all my shortcomings the past week while we say the prayer of confession. Did I really have to answer back with short words to my sister? Was it necessary for me to groan when once again, there was a dirty diaper to change? Why oh why did I not listen to my parents the first time? Couldn't I get through just one day without messing up? But, those feelings don't last long when afterwards I am reminded of Gods forgiveness.

What is there to this life but to enjoy it? What is there but to praise God for it? I love looking into the little everyday things. There is an abundance of things to be joyful about. The breeze in the air, the chickens clucking and who would have known dirt clods could be so much fun for an adventurous baby boy to play with?

My life seems overwhelming at times. For more reasons than I could tell you. [Mainly about Belize, which I am now at liberty to disclose] But, what is the point in worrying about things that haven't happened yet? This spring/summer I am learning to take things in a stride. The bigness of life, the miles ahead that I have not travelled yet, don't seem so awful when I think about this one day. What has God put for me to do today? Is this a day to plow through my school work, or are there things that need to be done around the house? Should I take some time to do something fun, spend time with my baby brother, or maybe send off a long belated email? Yes, I can only take one day at a time because that is how it comes to me.

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[December 23, 2012]

Thank God days only come one at a time.

Now that I have begun to think about it, I realize that my life will always be big. It will be big when I finally finish my school work, it will be big when I get married, and when I have children. My life will be big when those children get big, it will be big when they leave the nest, and big when they get married. My life will be big when I have grandchildren. Life is always big, it always has ups and downs, because everyone knows, when there is a flat line on the monitor it means your dead.

When I was younger the summer seemed endless, and time seemed frozen during winter and Christmas would never come. But now, I know I am sounding like my parents when I say this, the years fly by so fast! It seems only just last month that I was living in our friends house with not a material possession of my own, besides what I was wearing, in the whole earth! It seems only weeks since Dad had his heart attack, and only days since we found out we were not going to Belize. It seems last year that I was thirteen and getting my own room for the first time. (But we all know that was ages ago right?)

The chapters go by so fast, and you don't even realize that you have turned a page or started a new chapter. Everything melds together perfectly. One page at a time, one day, yet they all fit into one chapter, one year, one lifetime, and one book.

Praise God He is the Author.

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